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The Beginning of an Emotional Rollercoaster

It honestly felt like eternity before she came back to the room, she finally walked in and didn’t have any answers for us. We were the first appointment of the day, and the doctors were only on site in the afternoon, so the waiting game began. We were told to wait for a call from our obstetrician and sent on our way with absolutely no idea what was going on. We walked to our car and both looked at each other and started crying, what was happening? I called my mum straight away and I remember trying to explain what was happening, it was so hard to explain because we didn’t know anything at all, we knew he was happy and wiggling around in there, but we also knew his growth was not where it should be and mum just being the kind hearted person she is tried to find the best in the situation reassuring me that everything was going to be fine.

Trent and I both went off to work for the day, the longest day I think I had ever had at work, I think I picked up my phone around 50 times to see if someone was calling me. We waited all day and around 6pm my obstetrician finally called me, she started talking and you could hear it in her voice that things were great, she said at the start of the call, this might be hard to hear but I just want to be honest with you, I sat on my lounge, with my phone on loud speaker so Trent could hear too and we just held hands and listened.

Honestly that phone call is a blur to me these days, I remembering hearing things like termination, not viable, growth restriction, genetic issues, infection, there were so many things running through my head I just had no idea what to even think. I just cried and cried and then cried some more. My Obstetrician just kept apologising to me like this was somehow her fault, obviously it wasn't but what an awful thing to have to tell a couple. We ended the phone call with something that she wanted me to have a think about, the choice was mine but she highly recommended that I go off and have an Amniocentesis performed.

After I got off the phone I somehow managed to eventually gather my thoughts and process what she had said on the phone. We knew one thing for sure and that was that our baby wasn't growing as he should be, the reason why was what left us with a big question mark, there were three potential reasons for the delay, they were:

1. An infection 

2. A genetic issue that hadn't shown up in my NIPT blood test at 10 weeks

3. An issue with my placenta, which was causing IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction)

That night was awful, we had been booked in the next day for a face-to-face appointment with the Obstetrician so I just had to wait the one night for what I thought would be some answers. I didn't sleep a wink that night, tossing and turning and thinking of the worst possible outcomes that had been discussed with me on the phone. I was in shock, I searched the internet all night for some kind of answer, for some kind of hope, I just wanted to read even one persons positive story, after all I was only 20 weeks pregnant, deep down inside I knew that things weren't great but really this was just the beginning of what would be an emotional rollercoaster the next 7 months of my life. 

1 comment

  • Mum

    Love you
    I have no words 💕💕💕

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